Sometimes you won’t know what you want.
Sometimes all you can do is unplug, hibernate, and ride the wave.
There were times in the past where I definitely wanted to hibernate for weeks, and I did. I didn’t feel social, and all I wanted was to snuggle into my comfy clothes and write, draw, and cry. And I did this. But not without tremendous guilt of how I “should be” doing A, B, or C. It’s as if I wanted someone else to tell me “it’s okay, you can take a break”, but that advice never came. At least, not from society.
In American culture, you’re expected to produce. Constantly and consistently. We focus tons of time and energy on “productivity” and “saving time”; ironic, isn’t it? Because time is basically all we have. Our time here and now, in the present moment.
If you’re experiencing a dark time now, please, spend time in bed. Binge watch all the seasons of your favorite show. Eat apples and peanut butter and olives and chocolate. Let yourself feel, rest, cry, and go into hibernation mode in your blanket fort if that’s what’s calling you. If that’s what your body and mind wants and needs.
Give yourself permission to transform. Wrap yourself in your cocoon and go through the pain of transformation. This is your time. Don’t rush. Don’t rush your process on someone else’s clock — their definitions of time are different from yours.
The second time I went through a transformative, hibernative experience, things were different. I think it was a combination of the people who had left my life and come into my life at the time, but I was beyond grateful to give myself permission and not feel guilty about where I was. In the scheme of things, it’s what? ONE MONTH? Big. F-ing. Deal.
I fully let myself be where I was; to process, write, be simultaneously okay and so not okay. But when I came out on the other side, life was much brighter than I had remembered it.
As a lovely friend put it: “transformation hurts.”
This is YOUR unique experience! Know that this time is finite. You won’t always want to sleep in until noon, or stay in pajamas all day. But you want to now. And maybe for the next two months. There are no rules. So heed to your heart’s calling.
Take some time off of over-extending yourself and filling your schedule with obligations. Spend your mornings sleeping in and spend your afternoons writing. Get through it. Rest. Recede.
And when you’re ready — and I promise that you will be, in your own time — you’ll emerge, brighter than before, on the Other Side.